problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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