Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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