i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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