It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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