the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
