I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's always time for handjobs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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