i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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