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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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