the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
