grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
