i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
