swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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