If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
