I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
