ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
