I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
