She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
