I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just tell him i said nine months
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
