Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
