I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
