Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
