he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
