I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
