I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
