Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
