You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
