She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring