fuck your aforementioned shoe
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
