i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
