dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
