Already got asked if we're dating
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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