I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
