So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
