Can i not drive my cunt home
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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