I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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