I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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