i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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