WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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