i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
