Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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