Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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