The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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