I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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