i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
