Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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