I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
