They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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