Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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