So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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