At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
