Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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