hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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