Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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