I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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