i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
