I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
