I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
