he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
