i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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