I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
