I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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