you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize